Change of your district - BERLIN - auf ENGLISCH - need help

Slex

Strictly 4 the L. O. V. E
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Hallo an die Berliner.
Hallo an die die gutes Englisch beherrschen und mir helfen wollen/können.
Hallo an das Forum :D

Homework:
Describe the change of your district

Das habe ich gemacht, in dem ich ein aktuelles Thema herangezogen habe. Das ist dabei herausgekommen und ich würde mich freuen wenn der ein oder andere verbessert und beim Schluss muss ich noch nacharbeiten... (fehlt mir aber gerade die Konzentration) - muss mehr auf die Aufgabenstellung eingehen...

Peter Woelck could describe very well the change of the discrict there I am still living – Prenzlauer Berg – but he died on first march.this year.

In his honor I will try to write my story – so it is not just a homework – it is an image of the change, an image what happen in Berlin the last few years.

Who was Peter Woelck?

He was born in Wilhelmshagen in 1948, a outlying district of Berlin.
He grew up in Köpenick by his Grandparents. It was hard for Peter, because he was a small sensible young kid – his Grandfather who grew up in the time of socialist empire had to handle his own way of life, where was no time to understand that Peter has a talent for art in many ways.

In the age of ten he got a photomachine – a machine who gave him the option to escape from his repressive living conditions.

1968 two grandmasters of the German Democratic Republic photograpy szene invites Peter to the circle "Club Junger Meister".
1972 Peter started to study at the „Academy of Visual Arts“ in Leipzig.
Here in Leipzig he forms a lot of his beautiful pictures.

In East Germany he kept his head above water as a photographer, made three childs with three woman and did not affiliated to the association of artist with the statement that his art is to real to come up to the agenda which the socialism realismus has from the reality.

1989 Peter moves back to his flat which was in the „Kastanienalle“.
He had still the key.

But it shows that for a bird of pardise like Woelck the struggle for survival in this free hunting-ground he is not armed.
So he worked at the beginning of the 90´s as a photoreporter for a popular newspaper (which soon suspended) and tried to brake into the advertising market - at the end he earned some money with advertising for snack bars.

It was hard for him – but he never stopped his walk with his cam and so he sold his pictures to some tourists and tried his best.
But his livelihood is endangered because the owner canceled his contract.
And after more than a year legal action he not just lost the prozess, he got between that cancer and died on 1 march 2010.

Now – nobody talk about that – nobody talk about the big change in the districts – but everbody who is sensible and smart enough – can see that this happen to maximise profit in the form of rental fee, to give the richer part of population a new feeling of lifestyle and dont forget – to create a new image of the city.
 
Hab grad nur die ersten Worte des letzten Absatzes angeschaut und würde nochmal komplett alles überarbeiten :D

1. nobody talks about that. oder nobody is talking about that.
2. warum kommt im Satz danach wieder nobody talk about? Im Englischen gilt wie im Deutschen: Redundanzen vermeiden!!
Ach und 3. weniger -
mehr , oder .
 
Danke dir.

Ich werde natürlich noch etwas ändern müssen - bin auch gerade dabei... aber du könntest mir ja konkreter helfen und mir unter die Arme greifen... alles überarbeiten halte ich für unsinnig - denn viele Teile sind doch schon recht in Ordnung...

Danke dir für die Hilfe.
 
Wie viel Zeit hast du dafür? Ich bin aktuell extrem eingebunden und kann immer nur sehr sporadisch hier reinschauen...
 
Allein schon der erste Satz ist grausig, sowohl grammatikalisch als auch vom Inhalt (macht keinen Sinn).
Würde es komplett neu schreiben.

Beispiel: very well ist an falscher Position im Satz
"on first march. This year" macht keinen Sinn.
"there i am still living" auch nicht
"socialist empire" was ist das??
 
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Hallo an die Berliner.
Hallo an die die gutes Englisch beherrschen und mir helfen wollen/können.
Hallo an das Forum :D

Homework:
Describe the change of your district

Das habe ich gemacht, in dem ich ein aktuelles Thema herangezogen habe. Das ist dabei herausgekommen und ich würde mich freuen wenn der ein oder andere verbessert und beim Schluss muss ich noch nacharbeiten... (fehlt mir aber gerade die Konzentration) - muss mehr auf die Aufgabenstellung eingehen...

nur mal den anfang durchgelesen und schon wieder ein fehler:
it is an image of the change, an image what happen in Berlin the last few years.

wo ist er da denn versteckt. sonst kann man sagen, der aufwand, den du für eine hausaufgabe aufwendest, ist vorbildich, der sinn, fragwürdig. sonst ist das mittelstufenenglisch ;)
 
So aus Mittelstufenenglisch wird- ENGLISCH - hab mir damit die Note gut aufgebessert...

Und der Text ist angekommen... und ergibt jetzt auch Sinn, da ein Schluss hinzgefügt worden ist... stundenlange Arbeit - hier für euch.

Homework:
Describe the change of your district

Peter Woelck could have described the change of the discrict I am living in – Prenzlauer Berg – very well, but he died on 1st March.

In his honour, I will try to write my story. So it is not just a homework, it is an image of the changes that happened in Berlin during the last few years.

Who was Peter Woelck?

He was born in Wilhelmshagen, an outlying district of Berlin, in 1948.
He grew up with his grandparents in Köpenick. Life was hard for Peter, because he was a small, sensitive young kid. His grandfather had grown up in the time of the socialist regime and had to take care of his own life, which left him little time to understand that Peter had a talent for art.

At the age of ten Peter got a camera, which gave him the opportunity to escape from his repressive living conditions.

In 1968 two acclaimed members of the photographers' scene of the German Democratic Republic invited Peter to join the circle "Club Junger Meister".
In 1972 Peter started to study at the "Academy of Visual Arts" in Leipzig, where he took a lot of his beautiful pictures.

In East Germany he kept his head above water as a photographer. He fathered three children with three different women.
He was never accepted in the VBK (the Artists Association of the GDR) because his art was considered too realistic even for the taste of the prevailing Socialist Realism of the time.

In 1989 Peter moved back into his old flat in the „Kastanienallee“.

But it seems that the artist Woelck, being the bird of paradise he was, was not particularly well equipped for the struggle for survival in this new kind of world.
So, at the beginning of the nineties he worked as a photoreporter for a popular newspaper, but was suspended soon??? and tried to find a place in the advertising market - finally, he earned some money with advertising for snack bars.

It was hard for him – but he kept walking around with his cam and selling his pictures to tourists.
His life was made even more problematic when the owner of the house Kastanienallee cancelled his rental contract.
Woelck filed a suit, which was to last more than a year. In the meantime he developed cancer and then he lost the suit. He died on March 1st, 2010.

If we look at the corner where Peter's flat used to be – where there was a wall with flyers, pictures and photos - now there is a shop: "Contemporary Showroom" – WOW! We call the street "CASTINGALLEE" now, because there are more than 100 shops like this... but no Peter, and no artists.
So his creative history has become a white wall now, and behind this wall there is a shop!

What is going on in Berlin – what happened in Prenzlauer Berg?

About 140,000 people live in Prenzlauer Berg, and since the wall fell more and more people with a higher education have moved there.
For example, around Kollwitz- and Helmholtzplatz 75% of the people over 25 are graduates.
The unemployment rate is at 8.6 % - 1% under the Berlin average.
Around Kollwitzplatz it is just at 6.4 % - in comparison to the area around the "Volkspark“, where it is at 13 % !

So, in the middle of Prenzlauer Berg we have a new base of people with higher education. They are wealthy that is easy to see just by looking at the type of luxury flats they live in and their lifestyle. Not to mention the costs for the restructuring of the buildings after the rise of the rental had ousted the Berlin locals.

Prenzlauer Berg used to be famous for its bars and pubs – its young people and students. 10 years ago there were neither a "Castingallee" nor any showrooms – there were students, cheap flats and a vital community.
A young generation tried to live the ideal of solidarity and shared moral values.

Now a kind of conservative spirit prevails in the streets and there is a lot of showing-off going on. Consumption seems to be the motto of this lifestyle.

Not many people talk about the big changes in the districts of Berlin. It seems that only those who are sensitive and smart enough can see the reasons for them. That today the only aim is to maximise profit. Stupendous rents enable the richer part of the population to experience a new, chic lifestyle, which has changed my district and created a new image of the city.

So, if you want to be part of it, move to Prenzlauer Berg, and enjoy the new way of life!
 
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Hmmmmmmm kommt mir so vor, als ob du schon ne große Hilfe bekommen hättest, die aber zwischenzeitlich keinen Bock mehr hatte :D

"In East Germany he kept his head above water as a photographer. He fathered three children with three different women". Ich weiß echt nicht, ob es dieses Sprichwort auch in englisch gibt, aber ich würde so was einfach sein lassen. Das ist genauso wie "you are heavy on the woodway"...
Das klingt auch mehr nach journalistischem Schreibstill - soll der Text solche "reißerischen" Metaphern bieten? Wenn ja - mehr davon. Wenn nicht - sein lassen ;)



Woelck filed a suit, which was to last more than a year. In the meantime he developed cancer and then he lost the suit. He died on March 1st, 2010.

Auf deutsch: Woelck hat einen Anzug abgelegt, welcher mehr als ein Jahr halten sollte. In der Zwischenzeit hat er Krebs entwickelt und verlor anschließend seinen Anzug.

Wtf?
Dass du vielleicht suite meinst, kann ich mir denken, aber er hat Krebs entwickelt? Es sollte wohl eher heißen, dass sich der Krebs in ihm entwickelt bzw. gebildet hat.

Zum Glück nicht mehr so viele Fehler drin (da gibts noch mehr, man kann drüber hinwegschauen), aber, ganz grober Schnitzer meiner Ansicht nach:

Du fängst das Thema damit an, ihn zu ehren. Und zum Schluss wird der Aufsatz zu einer Werbeanzeige für den Prenzlauer Berg. Das kommt mir so vor, als wenn der Text von nem gewieften Immobilienmakler kommt, der ein Vorzeigeinstrument braucht, und in diesem Fall ist es Peter Woelck.


Ansonsten, ka. Kann man dieses mal auf jeden Fall besser lesen, vorallem ohne ständig in Gedanken "Facepalm" zu erblicken ;)
 

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